“Hyp what’s going on?” Fade asked me when he finally came back after Blue and Purrberry left. “What are you doing with him? He is married well known politician.” I tried to search for the answers to his question that would redeem my actions and relationship with Blue but all I could say was “I’m in love with him Fade. Its Blue the guy that I told you about, it’s him. These past months with him have been great”
“Do you love him? I mean really love him?” he asked quietly as he looked down at the floor. “I don’t know I guess. I mean I have to its Blue you know? Ever since I saw him that day in the airport when I was a child I always thought that we would end up together. And now we have just not in the way I’d imagine.” I admitted to him I could feel my cheeks flush as I finally told someone outside our trio the truth of Blue and me. “Do you ever think you could love me?” He asked quieter than before “Fade, I...” I began to say but Fade interrupted me as if it were better to leave my answer unsaid as his words came carelessly tumbling out.
“Hypnotiq I love you. Everything I’ve ever done since I met you it’s been for you, to make myself good enough to be with you. I’ve stopped getting in to fights and have worked on controlling my temper so I could be a better person for you. I’ve pushed myself past the limits just to put me near your level. I would have just been happy playing guitar for any unknown band at a bar. But instead I’ve made myself a career as a Musician signing on with your Uncle and getting my first gig with your Aunt just to get you to notice me but still you don’t because of him. When are you going to give him up Hyp? He’ll never make you happy if he is married and he’ll never be with you the way I could and want to. When will you see that? When will you see that you deserve better than to be just a fling on the side.”
“Don’t say that Fade. I am not just some fling on the side. Blue loves me and under different circumstances things would be different for us. If we were just normal people we would have been together a while ago.” I said defensively
“Hyp please stop lying to your self. If he really cared about you he would have left his wife the moment you came back into his life. Do you know what kind of public backlash you would get if this ever hit the papers? You would be ruined and looked upon as a home wrecker for the rest of your career” Fade said nastily to me making me face the truths that I had turned away from these past months. But I still didn’t want to face them so I tuned it out. “You might not agree with my relationship with Blue but it is still my relationship with him. I’m going to go to sleep now Fade. I’ll see you in the morning.” I said as I walked up the stairs as I heard Fade once again leaving, slamming the door shut. Fade didn’t come back until early the next morning. He looked terrible and it hurt knowing that I was the cause of his pain. In another life time or alternate universe things would be different Fade would be happy and so would I.
The next day I was thoroughly distracted as I kept playing our fight over and over in my mind. “Is everything alright Hyp?” Blue asked me when we were hanging out late that night drinking a bottle of aged nectar that Blue had received in what could be casually called a basement rec room but was so much more. “Fade knows. I mean he knows about us.” I started to explain while Blue looked at me questioningly as I took another sip of nectar. “He doesn’t like it one bit he thinks you’ll ruin me and that you… you really don’t care about me at all.”
“You know that is not true Hyp.” Blue began to tell me but I couldn’t stop talking as I felt all my doubts slip out “If it wasn’t true then why are you still with her? Why can’t you be with me? I mean really be with me in front of everyone and not in hiding? I want to be able to hold your hand or even just be seen with just you in public.”
“Hyp you know why we can’t do that. We’ve been over this countless times; I have elections coming up in two weeks. It would not look good if I decided to divorce my wife who has a very good public record and influential family for a Berrywood Starlet that well doesn’t come from the best family.” Blue explained rather bluntly as if the nectar had dissolved his charismatic demeanor. Downing the rest of my glass I felt it burn through me as I closed my eyes to swallow it down. When I opened them again I only had one thought and one thought only, that I really didn’t want to be there anymore.
“I’m sick and tired of hearing that Blue.” I said as I got up from the stool and left. On the way home the driver thankfully ignored my quiet crying from behind the sunglasses that shielded me from the night.
When I got home I could all but stumble up to the elevator. Into Fade’s arms I went and I know it was utterly selfish of me to use him for comfort when I had always known in the back of my mind how he really felt. My tears fell on to his shoulder, his hand gently caressed my head while he whispered the things he knew I need to hear in my ear. And selfishly I ate them up as I listened to him in between the tears.
Somewhere through my tears we opened a bottle of hard nectar and after We both had a glass or two my lips found Fade’s for a moment before I could stop myself. Almost hungrily he kissed me back and for a moment I didn’t think about Blue, though eventually he crept back through my mind. “Fade no.” I began to say as I tried to think of all the reasons not to, but I couldn’t come up with one. “No.” he said roughly and unyielding as he pressed me up against the cold glass window, his lips once again upon mine making my mind scramble to think of the right thing to do.
But truthfully in this situation that I had created there was no right thing to do when you were cheating on the married man you were having an affair with. The rest of the night was a blur of passion among other emotions mixed in with anger and lust. When I woke up the following morning alone in my bed, with Fade gone and a note where he should have been when we past out last night.
Hypnotiq I want to say that I am sorry for my actions last night. Maybe I wanted to prove that in some way I could have you too, if not your heart then your pleasure, if not your love then your desire. For a few moments I had you and only you with him as a mere fore thought quickly forgotten and you were truly mine. While you are with him and continue to be with him I can not stand by and idle watch as you put yourself through this. As I’ve said before and will continue to stand by, you deserve much more than this. Unfortunately I will not be there whenever you do figure this out. I love you more than I care to admit even to myself somtimes.
Love always Fade
As I read the last words from his letter it slowly slipped out of my hands. In slow motion it fell to the floor as the tears began to well up in my eye. The room around me though familiar became as blurry as what my future held for me. Hot tears seared down my cheeks uncontrollably one after another as I curled up into a ball, my head buried in my arms. Two weeks later the day that Blue was elected by majority vote as the leader of Sweetland I found out that I was pregnant and our lives just got a little more complicated.